


Interrobang

by Cannibal_Cake



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Apparently that was a legit tag--wtf, Grammar Porn, John's Mind Is Diiirty, M/M, Punctuation Smut, Sherlock Is Smug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 14:55:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14046723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cannibal_Cake/pseuds/Cannibal_Cake
Summary: John's understandable gap in his obscure punctuation knowledge leads to a bit of unexpected fantasy.





	Interrobang

**Author's Note:**

  * For [canolacrush](https://archiveofourown.org/users/canolacrush/gifts).



> This is something that has been kicking around on my hard drive for literally _years_. I simply didn't have the courage to post it until now. 
> 
> Remember this, canolacrush?

 

On Tuesday and Thursday nights, if he wasn't otherwise engaged, John checked up on his blog. He felt somewhat guilty that he didn't do so every night, because there were always at least a dozen or more responses to each case blog. People were naturally curious about the doings of Sherlock Holmes. After the first few entries, however, he realized that he could easily waste every night of his life answering legitimate questions and deflecting the inane and ridiculous ones. Those inquiries about their personal lives he generally ignored, much to the annoyance of theirs fans. The majority of these were far too personal to even acknowledge. Speculations about the nature of the relationship between he and Sherlock were the worst and, he felt, the most impertinent. It got to the point where he was forced to post an entry asking users to respect the privacy of both of their love-lives (if they had any) and to at least attempt to keep their queries within the realm of crime solving. He further declared that any user who did not respect his wishes would be permanently banned.

This tactic seemed to have been fairly effective over the next months, though he did notice that someone had created another board where people evidently felt free to comment all they liked about the two of them. It disgusted him, but he really couldn't do anything about it, so he did his best to ignore it and never let Sherlock know of its existence. At least that foolishness wasn't happening on the official blog anymore.

So John was a bit perplexed when after his latest entry (in which John had related one of the worst mid-case arguments he'd ever had with Sherlock), he received a response that he thought  _ might _ be stepping over the bounds of his rule. The truth was that he wasn't exactly sure what he was reading.

 

LetMeDeduceYou

June 30th, 2014 @ 21.14

_ Can I suggest that you start using interrobangs in your arguments with Sherlock? I find these communicate what I'm trying to say much more effectively. Actually, they're really satisfying when you get right down to it. _

_ Cheers! _

 

"What the hell?!" John had to put down the tea he was nursing and rub at his eyes when he was finished with that one. He surreptitiously glanced over the expanse of their flat. Sherlock was in the kitchen, his lab goggles on, bent over a new experiment involving god knew what, so he wasn't paying John the slightest bit of attention, thankfully. He wasn't sure what he'd do or say if Sherlock wanted to know what was the matter. 

Because when he'd read the word  _ interrobang _ a series of images came flooding through his mind as though they were merely waiting for John to push the play button in his head. They'd been on playing on a loop, in fact, even now.

 

_ I'd take him by the lapels of that stupid coat and push him against the wall of our flat. "Who in the bloody hell do you think you are, Sherlock?!" I'd say to him. "Every time you've opened your mouth today I've wanted to wipe that insufferably smug smile from your face." Then I'd do just that-with my mouth. I'd pull him down with both hands and assault his mouth with my own. I'd bite his lip until it bled. _

_ It would devolve quickly from there. He'd moan when I bit him and kiss me back, giving as good as he got. He'd taste like that cigarette he thought I hadn't known about. The remnants of nicotine would make my head spin, or maybe it would be the sudden feeling of Sherlock digging his fingers into my waist underneath my jacket. I'd feel the blunt edges of his fingernails penetrating through my pullover and the vest underneath that, while I started pushing his jacket off and popping buttons on his shirt. _

_ He'd beg me for more.  _

_ That's when I'd shove him towards his bedroom. Before he got to the bed I'd yank on the hastily removed sleeve of his coat and watch him tumble down onto the mattress. Chuckling, I'd divest him of the rest of his coat and toss it to the floor. He'd roll over onto his back and beckon me with those icy blue eyes. "Well? Are you going to finish what you started or are you just going to stare at me all night?" he'd say.  _

_ "Shut up," I'd counter. _

_ "You know, I've been waiting for this," he'd say as he finished parting his shirt, revealing his porcelain chest to me. _

_ "Have you," I'd ask, licking my lips as a I came to stand between his parted legs. The bulge in his trousers would be obvious.  _

_ "Yes. I knew one day you'd snap. I wasn't sure if it would happen just this way, of course. There was roughly a fifty-fifty probability." He'd wrap his legs around me in an attempt to pull me closer. "Naturally, I'd hoped for this particular scenario." If my dick wasn't hard already it would be now. My jeans would be far too tight and I'd have no choice but to undo the flies, pulling the layers of clothing off, but slowly. So slowly that Sherlock would snarl his annoyance at me as he followed suit. I'd pull his pants off myself, though, slide them slowly down his thighs and then off where they'd complete our pile on the floor. _

_ I'd push him back down onto the bed with the weight of my naked body, using my heavier frame to make him sink down into the duvet. Submit. He would submit to me as I ground my hips into his and took up my campaign against his mouth once more. Our shafts would wrestle for dominance, though. It wouldn't do for him to be completely pliant. They'd slide against each other. The friction would make things slick with precome. _

_ He'd hiss out my name between the seal of our lips and beg for more as I nipped and sucked my way down his neck to the hollow of his collar bone. I'd leave my mark right there in that little dip. He'd sob with pleasure and pain. Then I'd raise myself up onto my hands to meet his eyes. "Turn over," I'd say. _

 

"It's a form of modern punctuation, John."

With a gasp, John came back to himself. "Jesus, Sherlock!" Without him realizing it, Sherlock had appeared over his shoulder and was peering down at the post from LetMeDeduceYou. "What are you on about now?"

"Interrobang," he said, pointing at the screen. "It's the merging of both the question and exclamation marks. Look." He trapped John with his arms as he reached round him to quickly bring up a web page to explain. John flushed when he realized that he was hard and coughed when he saw Sherlock glance down to that exact spot before backing away. "There. The interrobang." If John didn't know better, he'd swear that there was a smug smile in that last sentence. 

"Um, thanks," he mumbled, finding it difficult to speak while willing his erection to go away. "I didn't know that."

"Clearly."

Jesus. He  _ was _ smiling. The smug bastard.

**Author's Note:**

> Show of hands...how many people think that Sherlock was the original poster?
> 
> Honestly, I can't decide and I wrote the damn thing.


End file.
